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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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01. Who are you, what's our relationship:
02. How and where did we meet:
03. What's my middle name:
04. How long have you known me:
05. Tell me one good thing about myself:
06. When you first saw me what was your impression:
07. My favorite band at the moment:
08. Colour eyes:
09. Do I have any siblings:
10. Have you ever had a crush on me:
11. What's one of my favorite things to do:
12. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
13. Describe me in 3 words:
14. Name 5 things I love:
15. Do you think I'm good looking:
16. How would you describe me to someone:
17. Would you ever date me:
18. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
19: what do you like most about me:
20: If we could spend a day together what would we do:
21: Have we ever gotten in a fight:
22: Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
23. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
24. What do you think my weakness is?
25. Do you think I'll get married?
26. What makes me happy?
27. What makes me sad?
28. What reminds you of me?
29. If you could give me anything what would it be?
30. When's the last time you saw me?
31. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
32. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
33. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
34. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
35. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
36. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
37. Would you make a move on me?
38. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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i closed tonite, same old shit as usual, closed late, stayed late, blah blah blah
listening to the new killswitch made me think about all the persons/places/things i miss. here they are listed in no particular order:
1)steve and adam- foosball, videogames on the projo, driving ranges( i thought about goin a couple days ago but it would have sucked)hockey, workin at tops, goin to the spot, subway, midnite shopping crew
2)jim and james- (i know they're here but i havent seen them in a while) drinkin, cards, shootin the shit, cheesy bread, dane cook
3)brian and emily- theres something about being around them that makes me feel like im normal, and that i dont have to worry so much, secure (like a blankie)
4)jodi and brigid and the rest of the new hampshirites- dunkin donuts, singin in the car, meeting up at shows
5)not living at home
6)being in love/being loved (in the more than friend way)
7)buffalo for some strange reason- jims steak out/mighty taco/loganberry, amr, antonio, and pedro, partying/crashing at the girls house
8)the way things used to be- having so much less to worry about, knowing that people liked me, not being insane/depressed/needy/annoying 24-7
9)jesus christ, it dies today, so much- roadtrips, reststops, siC van mosh, playing my heart out, watchin family guy, shitty snacks, pilot, the "foliage", mike millich(sp), being part of something that made people go nuts, playing music i love, NEW CDEEEEE, flip flops and mesh shorts, yea i could go on for like ever
yea so now hopefully with these on the page they will be out of my head and i can get some sleep... riiiight
my moneys on probably not- oh well
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 20th, 2004
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wow its been like forever since ive posted on here. well not much is new, still working, which is pretty boring and not very lucrative. i switched departments though which is cool i guess, now im one of those monkeys that stands at the door sayin hello and makin sure people dont steal shit.
i got a new car. a 94 Ford Thunderbird. it runs good so far we'll cross our fingers and hope it doesnt start falling apart anytime soon.
i went to see Comeback Kid and Stretch Arm Strong a couple weeks ago. it was great. goin to a show brought back a ridiculous amount of memories. i went by myself which kinda sucked, but i wasent gunna miss this show cause noone wanted to go with me. im pretty glad i went for the most part. being at a show was wierd. in the back of my brain i still had thoughts like, "did we load in yet?" "should i go tune my bass?" and just the overall anticipation of gettin ready to play, even though its been like 6 months. i stayed in a pretty good mood considering the situation, mostly cause Comeback Kid played awesome. im gunna go see BHBS on saturday which im pretty pumped about.
i got a freakin haircut today which fuckin sucks. i hate gettin haircuts. i need to find somewhere that doesnt suck dick at giving haircuts.
god my days off are so boring...
losing touch with people sucks. there are people i havent talked to in a while, that i miss alot. meh.
well im off to go see if i can do anything with this mess of a haircut ive been given. later
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:38 am. |
| Mood: |  irritated. | | Music: | At The Gates - Under a Serpant Sun. |
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work already sucks, i dont even want to know what november and december will be like. my car is shitting out like a little whore. meh
i really need a caparison dellinger (guitar), i havent played in a while, and its getting on my nerves. id post a pic of it but i have no clue how, so another time. oh and if anyone knows how to read japanese characters give me a holler cause their whole website is pretty much japanese so i dont have a clue how to get one hah.
besides work i have nothing to do, so i cant wait to get my xbox, this way i have something to do the hour or 2 im awake that im not at work heh.
ive been distancing myself from people in general for some whack reasons in my head, but theres people i miss a whole lot that i need to see soon.
ah well, time to get ready for another day of peddling hi tech merchandise and other stupid shit --- lata
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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you ever get that feeling, when it comes to the end of the day, and even after youve heard i love you from many people, you go to your room, get in bed and its the coldest loneliest place ever. and it makes you wonder, "why should i move from this spot ever again? what do i have to look forward to?" its tiring. and its not that its on your my mind all day, but there are times when it crosses, and you sink. to the point where you cant even lift your head. youre tired of hearing how happy other people are, and youre tired hearing how theyre in love, and you fear to hear how far they have or will get with out you. it makes you feel trivial. only a second thought to everyone. not a priority to anyone. it wears you down slowly, scrape by scrape. and theres nothing you can do to stop it. oh well.
so im back home on LI as of a few weeks ago. i got my job at best buy back so i will be here for a while working things out. trying to figure out my next move and such. moms in california on an "out of nowhere planned trip". isent my return home so convienient. i start work monday, which should be good, help me take my mind off of shit, and clear my debt.
im no longer in it dies today as of the end of summer tour.
Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 19:54:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: "It Dies Today" <itdiestoday@yahoo.com>
sanch,
we've all decided that you can no longer be in the
band. its nothing personal it just makes sense, you
simply cannot afford to be in the band any longer,
youre in debt to people, which in turn means you
cannot afford equipment which is essential to the
band, which also means you can never throw in a share
when we need it(van, mearch etc). sorry to do this
through email but between work and school there
honestly was no other way. its been amazing having
you with us but yeah this is whats its come to and all
our minds are made up. so thank you for everything
you've done for us and to be a part of our band but
yeah. well talk to you.
nick, steve, chris, nick
none of them have talked to me in person since the end of tour.
my plan was to do exactly as i am, if i couldent get a job there. come back home and work. and when the time came trasfer up to buffalo. noone cared or had the patience to hear me out. if you really wanted me in the band still, you wouldent have made up youre minds with those excuses. the fact of the matter is you just didnt like me anymore. which is fine, i have no place in making people like me. im not like that. but the least you could have done is lie to my face. but i guess thats expecting too much from an 18 year old cowardly child.
either way, best of luck to you guys. youre all really talented and i hope the future brings nothing but good things for you.
i guess im done here so till next time - later
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 19th, 2003
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i still couldent play the metal part to requiem.. or the solo in bridges..hah
so i guess today i'll celebrate
alcohal induced coma? maybe
i'll be tipping a few to them. thanks for the memories fellas
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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2 days off in NH = awesome
It was so good to relax and hang with Jodi, Jolene, Brigid, Brandon and Ryan. as fun as tour has been, its also been quite exhausting. and these 2 days were just what i needed to recharge my batteries. thanks so much you guys for being awesome. i had "wicked" fun and i cant wait to come back out there. Dunkin Donuts rocked, Quichee Gorge rocked, York Beach rocked, MARKET BASKET ROCKED! Jodi thank you so much for your bed and late nite spaghetti and for just being amazing. Jolene, enjoyed our cigarette breaks and watching you totally get in the zone to get pierced. Brigid, my darling wife, our niece is so cute, lets hope our children are that cute. Brandon - 4 words "California Games Hackeysack MOSH". Ryan, keep rockin \m/ , thanks for the chocolate milk, i wont forget about your shirt.
sooo show #1 of the btbam tour went pretty good, great turnout, decent venue , mius the freakin hotness, and the security check, and the old prick bastard who started closing the place when the red chord started playing. it wouldent have been a fire hazard or anything.. that fuckin prick, im sure next week he'll be running over lil children in his car cause hes old and stupid.
anyways i better get cracking, i still need to do laundry and shower and get ready to head out west, all in 3 and a half hours. so until september (maybe sooner, depending on whether theres a computer around) laterr --
p.s. my birthday is in 5 days, so i better get lots of calls and see lots of posts...
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
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so yea i figure its time for a new pic, i want lots of comments cause im not sure if i like it, word - lata
p.s. puerto rico in a day and tour in week \m/
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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so the past couple weeks have been mind numbing. ive got so much goin on inside my head. its pretty ridiculous. its like my brain cant do one thing at a time. everythings got to bounce around in there all at once. its overwhelming and i can barely shrug it off anymore. i think my dreams are even dictating this. this past week has been all too strange as far as that goes. im only going to elaborate on 3 though, the first of which was insane. so much was happening i honestly couldent give details, i just know that i felt seperate from everything, kind of like when you find a glich in a video game and youre walking through walls and theres no boundary and at the same time theres no stable ground. it freaked me out so much because it was just entirely too realistic feeling. the next few are private so there will be no details revealed (unless your lucky and im nice) it was uncanny how exact they were. exact to how i would want to happen in real life. they were amazing none the less. the hardest part was waking up and realizing they were just dreams. sometimes i dunno if i want to sleep more for them to occur again or if i never want to sleep again so that i dont have to go through them just being dreams again, because it was the worst feeling ive felt in so long. ive never wanted to not move more than those moments after waking. just to sit there thinking this is the closest i'll get to what i want. my first instinct is to worry about taking what i have for granted. and i dont believe i am. its just so hard to think that ive done so much wrong to not deserve what is so simply attained by others.
i feel so impaired by my limitations. even though they are only noticed by me, they easily cripple me. and i feel powerless. like i have no power over anything... or worse, that when i did have power, i squandered it and made all the wrong decisions. now all i can do is sit and wonder where it ends, as i keep digging, hoping for the bottom, but even more fearing that i havent even yet scratched the surface.
too much lately have i seen others have what i want. i'll wonder what makes them so much better that they deserve this and not me. how did they do this. what am i doing wrong that i cant make this happen for me. why couldent i have done the right things when i was supposed to, to get where you are. why didnt i know what to do. i do things like this so much, i think like this so much, even if youve seen me and that seems liek its the last thing on my mind, its most likely there, on the back burner.
these feelings have been more prevalent lately because through all this thinking, and questioning, no matter how far back i trace the problem i can only blame one person, and thats myself. and i cant change anything. its a cold hard fact and i have to live with it. and i dont know if have the strength to get through whatever is coming down the road. i honestly dont think i have it in me. im so drained trying to motivate myself to get through what is already happening. i dont know...
so the bulk of this has been pretty depressing sounding, and even whiney, but thats why ive written it here. maybe my brain will take a rest cause ive managed to put all this on here. maybe not.
i think thats enough for now, but i also want to say to my friends, my family, my band and everything else that is important to me, that me writing this is not a complaint that you are not enough. you are all amazing and i love you all with my heart so much. i just cant help but question why my life has to have been so diffcult, and why i couldent do things right. till next time, later ---
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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now is pretty much the worst time for me to be on LI, but i am. Im doing a favor that will surely be overlooked, and ive missed soemthing that to me was really important, and than on top of it i got pissed at the wrong person (sorry nick). im wound up for some reason and i dont know why. i need to go do something where i can exert some energy or release some adrenaline - too frustrated and anxious to type anything else coherent so thats it for now, sorry for the shitty entry -- better one soon
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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soooooo this weekend was pretty hot 2 shows, one on LI and the other in NJ. the long island show was pretty shitty acoustically. it was like an industrial park warehouse so the sound was just bouncing all over the place, and steve had a rough nite equipment wise. i didnt mind though, jodi and brigid being there made up for any shittyness at the show. i miss them more and more every time we have to part ways. its ok though the 25th is rapidly approaching and i cant wait. sooo the jersey show was really good, even though it was muggy as hell , so the fro was in full effect of course hah. i felt really bad for scarlet, they got heckled pretty bad. theyre not amazing but ive heard worse bands that got more support. im thinkin maybe this show just wasent aimed at their crowd, they are definately cool dudes though. so the venue got ridiculously humid and hot in like .0001 seconds, and of course me being the lamer that i am played in a hoodie, dont ask, heh and than being more of a lamer i left my bass at the venue. i also felt bad cause i didnt do any driving this weekend, but with the roll i was on this weekend i think everyone was better off haha, i still fear dring the van with that trailer, not so much for straight driving, but like tight city driving and parking and shit, im bad enough at that in the van as is hah
my mom was pretty happy i was home for mothers day, i made her breakfast and stuff, and than she bought me socks and a beard and mustache trimmer thing and 20 bucks. hah kinda backwards, buut im not gunna complain
so now on to what has made me so proud of myself:
the scene: top international markets
the mission: grocery shopping to get as much food as possible
the resources: $9 american
24 pack of ramen - 3 dollars
2 bottles of Mt Dew - 99 cents each
1 pack of tops beef franks - 1.99
1 pack of tops hot dog buns - 1.29
total with tax... 8.52!!!!!
thats right my friends , 48 cents to spare
yea so , its still goddamn winter in buffalo it was like 38 degrees yesterday, and there is definately no heat in my house sooo im taking applications for people to come cuddle with me and keep me warm. its a 7 day job, until we move into the new place or until it gets warm out - please post prior credentials and why you feel you are suitable for the job, also any special skills you feel will set you apart fromt he toerh applicants. there is a full time position for those who perform exceedingly well
hah like i always say, "yea..im lame...so?" heheh
tour is in 38 days, heres the list of shit i need to take care before than if not asap:
to do: 1) pay $600 to landlord for first and last rent (which was due the 10th)
2) if possible line up a job for when i get back
3) get some kind of menial job that i can quit before tour to make some quick cash
4) move into new place
5) get a hair cut
6) check out UB and ECC so i can get my learn on
shit i need: 1) $$$
2) new sneakers
3) new shorts
4) ibanez 4 string btb bass with case
5) tech 21 sansamp RBI bass preamp
6) carvin DCM1000 power amp
7) korg dtr- 1000 rackmount tuner
8) BBE 362 sonic maximizer
9) 2 Hartke VX410 cabinets or an Ampeg SVT 810
10) 6 space rack
ok well time to wrap things up, dont forget to post those applications kiddies!
till next time --- lata
ps - new mt dew = slurm (you'll only get that if you watch futurama)
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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holy emo batman, im feeling finch so bad right now, can not sleep at alllllll, heres some lyrics, that are just... yea. word.
Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know
But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice im gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
(awesome background whoas)
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
No more looking i've found her
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
(more awesome background vocal harmonies)
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm gone away...
longer entry soon - latas
ps - im so starting an emo core band
pps - i so call doing vocals and maybe guitar - post if you want in : )
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 15th, 2003
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ps to last entry: steve , you wrote a great reply, and yes this kid had the gall to reply to that, simply amazing
pps: someone call my cell phone and talk to me
ppps: im coming home the 19th at 10:20 pm anyone who can give me a ride call me
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 4:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  okay. | | Music: | In Flames - Reroute to Remain. |
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its raining out , and im in california, so to me its kind of unexpected, and i like it, hah. im strange though , i love when it rains. the sound, the water, the color of the sky - its oddly comforting and i cant explain it, but i think thats why its so great, cause i love it so much and i cant even explain why -- hmm
so ive been in california for the past week and a halfish, and its been great, the weather, seeing my nephew and my sister, relaxing, "putting my head into the sand" so to speak. ive got my work cut out for me when i get back to buffalo, need to find a new job, and a new place again in some ridiculous time frame of like a week. im a lil ticked that i made sure i gave rent money before i left and it wasent sent out and were getting evicted , but its cool, its nothing really worth getting mad over.
i cant wait to get back and play some shows, and im really lookin forward to the first one back, in conn. jodi and brigid will be there so it will be the jam
i read the best thing ever, this kid wrote email to our webmaster about how much we suck (IDT) and well its the funniest email ive ever read i think, its nice to see what kind of ignorant assholes there are out there , here are a few excerpts i hope you guys get a kick outta these as much as i did:
"Dude first off gothic kids should all be put into one building and be burned,then i would piss on their ashes. Second your band sucks the big one i mean it's not even music droping D tuning i mean listen to that dropping d anyone who uses that aboviosly sucks the cock, and you guys all do and your lyrics are really fucking gay i mean who the fuck komes up with shit about killlinng people, if you like death so much kill your fucking self so know one has to put up with the spreading of your gothic shit! Fuck you in your dirty ass all yourstupid fucks, your guys are gay ass man"
and now my commentary:
- im glad this kid wrote us , cause i mean shit i had no clue i came off as goth!
- note the excessive use and varied form of the action "sucking cock" and "fucking ass" , its clear this kid is a self loathing closet homosexual
- "dropping d tuning" , dude come on, its dropped d, not dropping
- your grammar is fucking horrible, go back to school, if youre ging to insult us at least do it so we can understand you
- k instead of c? one word ---- wow
heres another chunk i thought was hilarious:
"You kall your self musicains, wel your not i am i know what music is and you don't and kan't play it either, if you kould you wouldn't play this shit. I feel bad for your fan base me, they kan all lick my balls too their stupid fucks for listening to this shit. So to conclude i hate you kuz your stupid and you should all just kill yourself and your fans suck thebig d too.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and once again, my thoughts:
- yes i call (with a C) myself a musician, ive studied music for about as long as it would take for you to figure out the spelling of the word asphyxiate (and thats with a dictionary, cause im sure you dont know how to use one of those, actually im sure you wouldent even know what one of those is, even if it hit you square in the face, which is something i would not mind doing for you)
- im most positive you are NOT a musician
- note the even more prominent use of "K"
- through this whole email youve purveyed this message of hate and wanting us to die, and so you close with the phrase "the big d". this as do other parts of the letter show that you are nothing but a coward hiding behind his computer, which im shocked that you even know how to operate. its amazing you hate us so much yet you took the time to write this email, you must be so proud of yourself
listen kid, whoever you are, i have not one shred of respect for you even if you are the next music prodigy, you need to spend more time hittin the books and less time writing hate mail. if you feel the need to express your hate for me, my band , and its fans, do it to our faces so we can laugh at how pathetic you really are.
anyhooooo...
i think thats enough for today, till next time--- peace
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 13th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:58 pm. |
| Mood: |  drained. | | Music: | Shadows Fall - Thoughts Without Words. |
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:when did we meet?
:what is my best quality?
:what is my worst quality?
:what would you fix about me?
:have we ever talked on the phone?
:have you ever seen me cry?
:have you ever seen me dance crazy?
:describe me physically and mentally.
:what is the best memory you have of me?
:what is the worst memory you have of me?
:have we ever gotten in a fight? If so what was it over?
:if you could give me a present, what would it be?
:would you hug me?
:would you kiss me?
:what do you REALLY think of me?
:whats the coolest rumor you heard about me?
:do you trust me?
:would you trust me with your girlfriend/boyfriend?
:do you know something about me that no one else knows?
:do you even know how old I am?
:anything you wanted to tell me but never got a chance to?
:do you love me?
fill this out , and i promise a real entry soon
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 16th, 2003
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somethings wrong with my computer, it sucks, internet explorer wont work and aim tends to be stupid alot, id ask someone for help but they prolly wouldnt, considering they dont really even talk to me anymore.
ive been trying to track down when things started going wrong in my life and im pretty much clueless, and its giving me a headache trying anyways, bleh
but im really looking forward to next weekend for 2 reasons and i cant wait:
1: brigid and jodi are coming out to see it dies today and chill with me and its nice cause people actually want to chill with me
2: were playin in syracuse and i hope its a good show cause i want to rip someones fuckin face off with my bass and fuck shit up and have people going nuts
if you wanna see a GREAT picture of me check the IDT website , its the one with the bottle of piss next to my face while im sleeping, ya know, cause i was sleeping, so i deserved it, ya know... i'll have to keep that in mind
gotta work all this week up until friday, but the paychecks are gettin better so thats cool
i can see spring comin around the corner, people are meeting, and soon to fall madly in love im sure, or get a quick piece of ass , either way ,im gunna vomit and go to sleep -- sorry for the shitty entry - lata
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 30th, 2003
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| Time: | 5:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  frustrated. | | Music: | Killswitch Engage. |
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i think lewis black said it best when he said "shitty shitty shitty, stinky farty smelly"
so any one would like to adopt a 21 yr old, please email me, cause i cant really live where ive been living anymore for legal reasons, that being my friends will probably get in a heap of trouble.. i dont blame them and im grateful for letting me crash as long as i have. i just hope me coming to buffalo to play in it dies today has been more a blessing than a burden, casue i love my friends and my band alot
im home on LI now which is kinda cool , i get to see my nephew hes the jam, he so funny hes developing this lil personality and making cute lil faces and running around. the only negative is ive turned into an errand boy for my sister and mom which has kinda ruined any plans i had of gettin the steering on my car fixed and what not , bleh
i just cant wait till things settle, and i have my own place and stuff, my own room and bed and what not
adam and steve and ant are goin to see kid dynamite in philly and im really jealous, i would have liked to have gone too, maybe if i give some money they'll get me a shirt or something - well i better get goin , gotta check on zach , get his dinner ready and what not ,so until next time--- buh bye
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optimuspryme43's journal
restless.
crappy.
good.
accomplished.
nerdy.